I can’t decide whether I need to keep trying to “think things through” or to stop trying. The latter is something I can’ seem to will to do — it just happens from time to time. So maybe it is necessary to keep seeking new insights — who knows what is going on in our subconscious minds? Insights affect feelings and I guess feelings have a lot to do with being able to relax and trust — so when it seems impossible to stop trying, I’ll plow on. But I always wonder whether this is the leading of the Holy Spirit — or whether He wants me just to be still and wait.
I’m afraid I feel that God can’t heal me until I understand all the whys and wherefores of my fears, hang-ups, etc. etc.
This sounds so familiar — I’m forever getting stuck in this rut!
Some insights came a few days ago and I kept putting off thinking about it — now it’s nearly gone. It had something to do with my not wanting to be around people I know — especially in a public place like the grocery store. I don’t mind people as long as I don’t know them and so don’t feel any obligation to speak or carry on a conversation — I often wish I were invisible so that I could just go about my business without anyone noticing me. Is that because I’m so afraid of people’s acceptance? so afraid of not measuring up, of letting them down?