July 29
Sarah F., age 17, Kentucky
July 29, 2005
Trying so hard to conceal it, no energy left, I can’t take another step Who am I? I ask this every minute Endless questions clutter my brain, sending me in circles Is there no way out? No escape from this cold, dark state No hands to grab on to, Nothing is real anymore I can’t accept it, so I reject it I turn away every time I give in Everyone does it, everyone is a lie I can’t let them see it, they won’t accept it I’ve been living in someone else all this time Because I hide it so well, I hide it so carefully I put it away, never to let it out, no one sees it They will judge, they will ignore but I can’t hide it anymore It’s ready to be unleashed, it cannot be caged anymore If they hate it, so be it It will not be hidden It’s been in the shadow too long with no room to grow I will not perform for these people anymore I am not a spectacle to be judged on a worldly scale So here is everything, are they ready? I don’t think they are But I cannot wait another breath It’s time for it to be seen It’s time they saw it it’s time they saw the real me, just me.
Laura M., age 15, North Carolina
July 29, 1997
Good day. Went to work at 2:00 and closed with Anne. Came over to Ashley’s at 6:00. Me and her parents played softball with a big bouncy ball. Then… I paged Chris! :) I told him to come over and he wouldn’t take good directions so I said, “I’ll just see you at school.” He said, “No, fuck that!” So he came over! We all (he brought a friend) sat on the driveway and talked. When he left, we hugged and he tried to take me with him and wouldn’t let go. Told me to page him tomorrow.
Marcy S., age 20, Tennessee
July 29, 1944
Another scorcher. Cloudy in morn but cleared around noon. Just before I left for work Mr. Walker called to see if I could go to Knoxville with them this afternoon — 12:45 — and take care of Alice Ann. Well, there went my beautiful free afternoon but I said “Yes.” Fairly busy in morn. Felt depressed. Went to the bank once and saw Pan. She’s working at the Water Works every Saturday. It’s funny how different this week has been. A day used to be “good” if I saw Ashley or the little paper boy stopped by my desk when he came to… [Missing page?] …talked to him. It’s been so uninteresting at town and coming home at night because I know he’s gone. And that shows how far gone I am! I feel ever so much older and wiser — and sadder! When will I ever grow up?? About 11:15 Mr. H. dictated a deed and a trust deed and then departed, leaving me to finish them up. I knew I couldn’t get through by 12 — of all days to have to stay late!! I just flew and by 12:10 was ready to close up shop. Nearly wore myself out rushing home. Mum had dinner all ready. Still no Pop. I was gobbling down my dinner when Mrs. Walker called to say they’d be late leaving so I calmed down. Auntie Edith had sent us a copy of the Hamburg paper with account of Jack’s wedding. Mum read it to me. And guess what? Tech. Sgt. Rocoe H. Wallace (Prof) was best man! I must be boy crazy (somewhat later in life!) ’cause at mention of Prof I soared to the highest cloud! I didn’t know whether be was overseas or what, not having heard a word for over two years. Of course, called and talked quite awhile. He’s so boyish and sweet! He’s probably married but as long as I don’t know I can dream! :) Oooh! I was so happy! Dressed and left about 1. They were almost ready to leave when I arrived. Alice Ann and I went out to the car first and got settled in the back seat. She calls herself “Annie.” She smiled and babbled an incoherent blue streak. We left a few minutes later. Annie finally was prevailed upon to lie down on the improvised bed and take a nap. The sky was so blue and the clouds so white and banky. I nearly blew away but it was a hot wind. Arrived Knoxville about 2:30 and found a parking lot. Mr. and Mrs. W. left to shop and Annie and I made numbers on a slate, looked at picture books, dressed Susan and then she examined my glass-flowered pin, naming all the colors thereon, and requested milk, water, and “pot.” When she got restless I suggested a walk, as Mrs. W. had given her permission. We walked up to Market St. and almost around the block — then back. She kept running ahead and thought it a great joke when I came flying after, making a great spectacle of myself. Back to car and presently Mrs. W. came laden with packages. It was very hot. She changed Annie’s clothes and then we three went up to Miller’s where Annie tried on shoes. She was so curious about everything new. Then I took her back to the car (after we’d visited the toy basement) while Mrs. W. did some more shopping. Had a little trouble persuading her to get back in the car to wait for Daddy but more by force than anything (managed to avoid tears, though) finally got her in and there, as a reward, was a red sleepy-head doll Mr. W. had bought for her. Presently the fond parent appeared and said I might go and do any shopping I had to do. So I went up to Miller’s and got some Coty lipstick (met Mrs. Walker getting the same) and an Elmo powder base. Never thought of knitting needles till it was too late. Back to car and found Mr. W. drawing houses for Annie. I had drawn some before and he understood then why she had requested houses, in particular! Soon Mrs. W. came and off we drove. Stopped at a drug store on outskirts and Mrs. W. and I got cokes. Headed for home, feeling somewhat refreshed. About 6 then. Annie and I looked through the “Funny Little Family” book, one of my childhood favorites. Upon request I read it through — every other word almost is “funny” and it got rather monotonous. But apparently not to Annie, or else she liked the monotony, for as soon as I had read it once, she wanted it again. She was half asleep on the mattress by then but I struggled through the “funny” story again and waited, in fear and trembling, for a third request. But she was so sleepy she couldn’t even say “thank you” in an audible voice. And Annie drifted off to Dreamland. Once, when we first left, she said “Pattie Anne” over and over. So cute! Stopped between Kingston and Shelley’s and Mr. and Mrs. W. bought some peaches. Annie stood up and gazed around, gave me sleepy smile, and was off again. Fun driving in the early evening. Home about 7:30. They drove me home and Mrs. W. gave me $2.00! Annie roused momentarily to say “Bye, Pattie Anne” in a sweet, sleepy voice. Bless her precious heart! She calls Mum “Mrs. Waddy” now. Pop had just arrived, too, so we all sat down at kitchen table and feasted. I was so hungry that I yielded to the temptation of having a second sandwich — and lived to regret the act. After supper Mom and Dad sat out on the porch while I had a facial, washed my hair, ironed a dress and took a bath. Pop had numerous long-distance calls. Oh yes, George phoned Mum this morn to say he’d have to “decline my offer” so I called Kay and Betsy to come for supper Sunday night before going to Knoxville. I phoned Kimmie once from the office and had to hang up abruptly when Mr. H. returned. To bed about 10:30. Very sleepy. Still no rain. Annie was as good as gold today — she minded me, too. She has the very sweetest face and smile — I just adore her!
Henry S., age 25, Michigan
July 29, 1887
It looked so much like rain this morning that I went out to Fred’s farm early and began to shock up the oats. It cleared off, however, and we got the binding and shocking done by about 11 o’clock, when we came home to prepare to go to the pines for blackberries.
*(R. Henry Scadin Collection, D.H. Ramsey Library Special Collections, UNC Asheville)
Cornelia H., age 25, North Carolina
July 29, 1862
I finished Lonzo’s pants & sewed some little on Fannie’s dress. Took Willie to ride this evening on John. Went past the Murray place. Mr. Henry was up in the Murray fields, the hands were mowing there. I rode Pinck & Zona a little after I came back. They were delighted.
*(Fear in North Carolina: The Civil War Journals and Letters of the Henry Family, Eds. Karen L. Clinard and Richard Russell, used with permission.)
Samuel P., age 34, London
July 29, 1667
Busy all the morning at the office. So home to dinner, where Mercer, and there comes Mr. Swan, my old acquaintance, and dines with me, and tells me, for a certainty, that Creed is to marry Betty Pickering, and that the thing is concluded, which I wonder at, and am vexed for. So he gone I with my wife and two girls to the King’s house, and saw “The Mad Couple,” a mean play altogether, and thence to Hyde Parke, where but few coaches, and so to the New Exchange, and thence by water home, with much pleasure, and then to sing in the garden, and so home to bed, my eyes for these four days being my trouble, and my heart thereby mighty sad.
*(The Diary of Samuel Pepys M.A. F.R.S., edited by Henry B. Wheatley F.S.A., London, George Bell & Sons York St. Covent Garden, Cambridge Deighton Bell & Co., 1893.)